Porque nunca me senti assim antes.

Mein kleiner Löwe,

I write you this letter so you know how much you mean to me. I think I’ll never tell you enough.

More than a big passion and love that I didn’t expect to find, you are a great friend, and I appreciate it. I appreciated every moment we had, even when I thought I could never be with you the way we are. I remember you since the first time I met you, and all the little most insignificant moments, so you see how important you are!!!

I remember the first Portuguese lesson I gave you in the 7th floor kitchen. I remember kissing you in Berlin, it took me a lot of courage to do that. I remember the day you showed up in my room and I was only with a towel on. I remember saying to you I had cross the line, I had fell in love. I remember asking you to me my boyfriend, saying that I love you. I remember all the great sex (eheheh), the sleeping together, the little silly stuff like you opening the window when I was cold and then making fun of me :P All the times we made fun of each other and laughed together at stupid random stuff. I remember every kiss, every hug, and everytime you walked into my door. Every moment! For me, all of them precious and part of an adventure I’ll never forget! It was such an incredible, intense, experience and relation, in such a way I’ve never experienced it. You were (and still are) totally the right person, at the right time, in the right place, with the right circumstances, to have a great time as we had (I think you agree with me).

I’ve been very in love before and maybe me saying this, is over the top, but I’ll risk it: I was never so in love as I am with you. Maybe due to the circumstances, the environment we lived in these last months, all the memorable experiences we shared together, specially me for the first time for a lot of them. You rock my world and made these last 2 or 3 months totally unforgettable. You are, by far, one of the best things happened to me in my Erasmus.

Seeing you leave – even though obviously I want to see you more, I want to visit you and I want you to visit me – it’s one of the hardest things for me. I am glad I am going home for a week. Otherwise it would be even more painful! But I know, when I come back, it’s going to be difficult anyway: going to sleep alone, waking up alone, not having your morning hugs and kisses, not having a cappuccino in bed or a big breakfast in your kitchen. I know I’m in Amsterdam and that the next semester is also probably going to be great, but it’s not going to be the same without you, at least in the beginning. I just wish you stayed one more semester, I just wished I could wake up next to you for the next months. Better, I wish I had met you before, like in September…Nevertheless, for the time it lasted, it was (is) so amazing to be with you!

Beyond a great passion, love, and friendship I feel for you, being with you also made me grow up in some ways. All the stories we lived in such a short time, the ups and downs, and the way we got closer, and the way I grew fond of you, and all the process of falling in love so deeply with you, all of this at the same time as dealing with the fact that you were leaving sooner or later, made me deal with things in a whole different way that I would’ve dealt with if in another time or space circumstances. Namely, and in between all the stuff I shared with you over time concerning in what ways I learned/grew up, I just learned to accept things by what they are without trying to change them , and enjoy them in between. If before, I think I’d never get involved with you in the first place, for knowing it would have an “expire date” on it. But I’m glad I didn’t make that decision, and just let it go and cross all the imaginary “lines” in my mind. I’m glad it turned out this way. Even with you leaving, I don’t regret anything, all that I lived with you was absolutely worth it.

Probably, by now, you already realized this is a love letter. I am opening my heart to you, poring my thoughts & feelings out, completely, because I had to. I don’t know if you feel this the same way, as intense as I feel it and felt it this last two months, in particular, but this was (is), for me, such an incredibly strong thing, that I just had to write it down for you.

I just truly, truly, love you. And in case you read this 20 years from now:

You’ll always have a special place in my heart! And I'm going to miss you like hell...

And thank you so much, for providing me with such a fulfilling experience and being always such a nice, charming, dedicated, person to me.

Truly yours,

Your Portuguese vixen

Claudia

Talvez seja fazer filmes na minha cabeça, ser exagerada, over the top, ou mesmo paixão arrebatadora, mas se ele me pedisse para ir viver para a Alemanha com ele, eu ía, hoje. Sim, é este o lindo estado de enfatuamento em que me encontro. Eu NUNCA me senti assim...